I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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