I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
