god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
