The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
