We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
