you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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