I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
