My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
