i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
