You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
