Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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