I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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