Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
