cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
