Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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