i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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