This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How's work?
Spinning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drake has all the answers
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize