I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
