The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
