he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
