you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
