Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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