Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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