where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
