Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
