and you said cock pushups were impossible
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
