So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
