Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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