feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
