its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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