she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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