Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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