I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
