Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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