This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
