My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
