Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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