Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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