I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
A+ Viking dick
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
