Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
