i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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