Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
