Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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