At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
