Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
