I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
