she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we're making bets on your personal life
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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