And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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