You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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