I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize