Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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