I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
