Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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