i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
