so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
