if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize