Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
