I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize