Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
