Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
