I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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