Can i not drive my cunt home
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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