I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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