Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
