Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize