I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
