I didn't shave. On purpose
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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