im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
