I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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