...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
