Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize