Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
