I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize