I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
