Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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