I smell stomach acid.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
