I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I supernannyed him into submission
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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