fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
