Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize