We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
