I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
