Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
