I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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