I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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