i already hear my dad disowning me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
