Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
