i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
