Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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