Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
