If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
