last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
