i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
