So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
