you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
