No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
