I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
