SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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