His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
