Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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