I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
