So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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